Show me what I'm looking for
by The Leaf 180
Summary: Gai and kakashi had always been there for each other. Gai never told Kakashi how much he needs him. And now its too late. Kakashi never told Gai how much he had helped him find what he was looking for... a friend. California Liar second songfic! NOT YAOI!


**Songfic to Show me what I'm looking for by California liars. Not yaoi, just the goodness of eternal rival ship.**

* * *

><p>The dense forest is littered with bloodstained knives and evidence of battle.<p>

The once clean grassy floor thick with shinobi locked in combat. The air is filled with the clash of kunai and the waves of killing intent occupying the heart where emotions once were.

The screams of the wounded pierce the air and the medics silently filter into the clearing.

The battle rages on, faces of warriors arrive on the scene with only desire to protect the home they love, where some have families and friends back home, silently awaiting their safe return. Each ninja came with the knowledge that they may never leave.

But that is a risk they are willing to take. Because this is their land and they will live and die to protect it. Noble, shinobi they are, they have lost much along the way but have still found a place in the world.

They will hold true to their words until their last breath, they will stay loyal even in the mist of doubt.

Because they know.

It is knowledge they are willing to bear, it was a code they would die to protect.

Even on the darkest of nights there is still light. And even when all is lost, there is always someone to find it again.

The clock life is ticking, counting down the seconds until you are no longer needed. Until a time when your life is at its worst and all is morose, a hand reaches out to you, and you will know when it is time to take it.

* * *

><p><em>Wait, I'm wrong, Should've done better than this<em>

For Kakashi Hatake, that time is soon.

He couldn't believe things have gone downhill so quickly. At first he was doing fine, relying solely on taijutsu with the exception of a minor jutsu here and there. Nothing major.

He only had a few deep cuts and a limp in his step, nothing that would put him at a disadvantage. More than a few times he found himself at the wrong end of a kunai, but he accepted it along with the other knives jutting out of his crimson soaked vest. He did not pause to remove them; slight hesitation put you at the enemy's mercy.

But he wasn't worried about himself, he was worried about Gai. Whenever there was a fight he had always tried to keep his rival in sight. Just a habit of his, just so if something was to break through Gai's defense. Kakashi would be there to catch him.

Kakashi had grown up without that. And he wanted to be sure that the only friend he had would know that he would be there for him.

Normally, he was a loner and he was fine with that. But that all changed. This man, the green clad one with the ridiculous peppy attitude and a smile that sparkles, and the high energy level that tires out anyone he meets within three minutes.

Yeah, that one.

He was so loyal to Kakashi. And so Kakashi had pitied him and decided to take him under his wing. He was always near, just to keep Gai out of trouble.

And as Kakashi desperately fought his way through the cloud of battling ninjas. He could just see Gai at the edge of a thin spread of trees. Kakashi pressed on, set on reaching his rival.

He only stopped to inspect the damage on himself when he was within eyesight of Gai. He was disgusted with what he saw. His deep olive vest was torn in many places, crying scarlet tears. More than a few weapons were fastened to him and held tight. He was a mess.

He should have tried have tried harder.

* * *

><p><em>Please, I'll be strong, I'm finding it hard to resist.<em>

He glanced up and jerked out of the way of incoming shuriken. Kakashi regained his balanced and shot a glance at his eternal rival.

Their eyes met, with Gai's distress at his condition evident in his eyes. He gave a curt nod, and launched himself back into the fray.

Now that he knew that Gai was safe, he could move easier. Kakashi didn't need Gai to worry about him, he would pull through. He always had in the past, that wouldn't change now.

His eyes trained on his adversary, Kakashi neatly dodged the punches and jabs aimed at him. His opponent swung into a roundhouse kick, and Kakashi's sharingon immediately analyze the new data. So he perfectly timed his crouch, and swept his enemy's legs out from underneath him.

Kakashi sprang back and pulled out a kunai aimed directly at the throat. He ended the poor man's life quickly.

Kakashi swerved into another skirmish without missing a beat. Things were looking good. He was more careful now, and he cleanly finished off another foe.

More ninjas were streaming into the battle field, the leaf was out numbered, and Kakashi soon found himself taking on two at a time. He worked the offence and defense, striking with precise movements and a cold gleam in his eyes. They kept their eyes locked on each other, set in an elegant and deadly ballet. They neatly avoided and struck out attacks. Each prod was successfully blocked, and each blow was reinforced with power.

The battle flowed around them as they spar. Kakashi could feel himself slow, he could feel the wear of his gashes, and he could feel the heaviness settling in his bones, he could feel the signs of his chakra running out.

As his challenger dealt out another round of swift jabs. He could feel his defense weakening, an angry fist pounded against his already damaged chest.

A dull thump echoing in answer, a staggering flash of pain, a ninja collapses on the ground.

One that fought so hard.

One that glared in defiance even as he lays in a hopeless situation.

One that know that this time, there might not be a way out.

* * *

><p><em>So show me what I'm looking for<em>

Kakashi could feel his mind distorting in result of the agony. He could hear his ribs cracking after the sheer force of that punch.

It knocked the breath out of him. He lays struggling and choking at the enemy's mercy. He scowled at his adversary in disdain of the clear pleasure on his face as he stood over the infamous copy ninja.

He cringed at the throbbing ache pulsing through his veins. He grit his teeth and clutched the ground as his foe stamped a foot on his shattered chest, causing a grunt of pain to escape Kakashi's lips.

He heard the crack of bones as he laid in a wrecked heap, as a red haze clouds his vision. Waves of burgundy gushing around the copy ninja.

It was evident that his enemy wanted his death to be slow and painful. Satisfied that he had done his deed, and that sharingon Kakashi was beyond repair. He began to streak into another dispute.

He had not gone far before a blaze of emerald flew out of the tree line. Kakashi observed in silent fascination as his rival worked quickly to bring down the man that had destroyed him.

Gai's actions were fierce and bursting with rage. He landed one assault after another, eventually overwhelming the ninja.

Gai shoved his opponent into a tree, where the man's life left him, fracturing the tree, and short living his victory. Gai's eyes were unfriendly and icy with the demand to avenge his rival. Gai raced over to where his ally lay, his hate filled eyes giving way to concern.

Kakashi watched as Gai knelt beside him. He kept his eyes trained on him as Gai assessed his state. His eyes were downcast on his silver haired rival. His eyes gleaming with unshed tears at the bleak situation. Crammed with dismay and despair, Gai hunched over his rival in submission to the grief. Gai squeezed his eyes shut, and then gently slid them open again.

He blinked away tears and Kakashi could only inspect as his constant supporter fell apart.

Gai's confusion shone in his eyes. Gai had always had a simple mind. He was always straight forward. What you see is what you get. No secrets. Nothing to hide. So pure in a damaged world.

Kakashi could read his thoughts almost as if he had said them out loud. How could anyone be so cruel?

How could someone do this to another human being?

A stranger, someone they know nothing about, what gives them the right to end their life?

Where was the humanity?

Where was the mercy and kindness that he grown up with?

Where did it go?

He could recognize what Gai could not. The reason was, it was never there.

The world was a harsh and nasty place. It was selfish and spiteful. Fate punished you for things beyond your control. People could be so ruthless to one of their own. It was the sad lesson that mankind had learned to live with.

It was human nature. Vicious, heartless people lived on the earth, and that was how it was. That was what Kakashi believed. He never told anyone, because they lived happily. They were ignorant. And ignorance is bliss. They had the choice to bear the knowledge or they could choose to ignore a fact. A crucial fact.

That would lead to nothing good, only a bitter reality.

* * *

><p><em>Save me, I'm lost, Oh Lord I've been waiting for you<em>

They had met when Kakashi had pasted the chuunin exams. Kakashi was as hostile as ever. He trusted no one, suspicions flared where hope was lost.

He was making his way home and this green thing was following him and asking him the stupidest questions in a voice that was ten times too loud. Kakashi, his patience wearing thin, pinned the boy against a tree and growled in a low, threatening voice that would cause the most hardened, sour man to cower and tremble.

But not this boy, he was still lively and practically radiating confidence. He gripped to boy's wrist and dug his nails deep. This boy would learn not to mess with him. He glared at the green boy with a stare that demanded respect.

But this strange boy was even more fascinated than before! He chattered about how cool that move was and how he was going to show his father...

Kakashi trudged off; the boy just plunking down more stress on Kakashi's already withered morale. The boy tagged along behind him, a little more cautious now. As Kakashi reached sight of the Hatake compound, the boy's eyes grew into orbs of wonder.

"But…this is where the white fang lived! Do you know him? That's sooo cool how you know where he lives! You must be his biggest fan! I have also heard of the white fang! He's really awesome! Maybe even as awesome as you! Wouldn't it be great if-"

Kakashi cut the boys babbling short with a well-placed glower. He snarled at the energetic child with such ferocity that he took a step back. Kakashi spun around to face him. His voice was low and full of menace.

"I assure you that I am fully aware of where my father lived, thank you very much. Now if you don't mind, I would very much appreciate if you would leave me alone."

With that, Kakashi turned and began to trek towards his dwelling while fuming that the boy had made him talk, he had been prepared to ignore him the entire way home.

"…Ya know what? You kinda look like him too!"

Kakashi kept walking. When he was within an arm length of the door he stopped.

There was a hand on his shoulder.

Killing instincts rolled off him. His quick mind had already processed twenty different ways to remove the threat. Kakashi fought down chills when he was screaming on the inside. He tensed but willed himself to stay still. He was determined to stay rooted to the spot. He would not move. The boy kept chattering.

"YOU'RE Kakashi Hatake! I've heard of you! They called you a protégée at the academy! I thought they were kidding about your age but you really ARE that small! Is it true that your graduated the academy at four years old? Is it true that you won the chuunin exams? Is that a rumor? Do they make chuunin vest small enough for you? Do you want to be friends? I don't have any friends yet but my dad told me that if I be friendly people would warm up to me eventually. That would be so cool if I could be friends with you! 'Cause you're the son of a legend! That's awesome! You're like, famous!"

The boy dropped his hand and spread them out wide in wonder. Kakashi turned slightly to examine the boy further. His eyes gleamed; his wide smile broadcasted every emotion he had.

He was so easy to read. Kakashi scowled at the over enthusiastic boy. He was so close to the door. Maybe if he snuck away now, the boy wouldn't notice.

Then he could lock himself up in his room and sharpen his kunai till all his frustration was vented out. Sparks flying into his face, illuminating the murky room, give him some time to mull this over. But not as long as a certain green thing was following him around. He needed a distraction…

"Look, why don't you go and annoy someone else okay?"

He didn't like being blunt. It wasn't they type of person he was. But this hyper green creature was really starting to get on his nerves.

A twinge of guilt whispered in his ear. The softer side of him pitied the boy. It wasn't his fault nobody cared about him. It wasn't his fault he was an outcast.

He tried. The boy tried. But they were both alone. Except for their fathers. Their fathers were the only one for them. That was what they had in common. That was what shattered Kakashi. That was his weak point.

It wasn't fun being lonely. So if he extended his hand to this boy, would he take it? Could he save this boy from the future? Because no one stays around forever. Maybe it would be easier for this lonely boy when the time came. All he wanted was a friend. Would it be worth it to have a…friend? Could he do it? Or would he loose this one to? Should he take the risk? Was it too late for him?

"My names Gai by the way, Maito Gai."

Kakashi blinked slowly. This boy…what was he doing?

Was he trying to help Kakashi?

No one had ever done this to him before. A hand reaches out.

Kakashi struggles.

What should he do? He shouldn't. This wouldn't help him.

This would only hurt him in the end.

Just like his father.

It would be just like that. He would trust this boy. Just like he had trusted his father. Then he would leave Kakashi confused and lonely. Just like his father had. Kakashi didn't know what had compelled him.

But he decided to take this boy under his wing. And look out for him. Just like his father had.

He tentatively took the hand and shook it. So maybe it was time to change a few things. Maybe it was time for his life to change, for the better. Maybe he needed a friend. Maybe he needed the security and comfort a friend could provide. Maybe Gai could give it to him. Maybe thing would start to look up.

For both of them.

* * *

><p><em>I'll pay any cost, save me from being confused<em>

That was how it began. That was how Kakashi discovered the joys of a friend. That was when he discovered that warm, fuzzy feeling called happiness. It was nice. It gave him a reason to go outside in the morning.

It gave him a reason to help someone who was down. It gave him a reason to smile. Actually smile, not grimace. Just smile in pleasure at nothing in particular. It made him feel special. It made him peaceful, without a care in the world.

Things were perfect. With Minato-sensei covering his training and Gai taking care of his heart. Kakashi began to mend after his father's death.

He began to crawl out of his shell and enjoy the wonders of the world. His world. There were so many things to explore, so many new adventures and discoveries waiting outside for him.

He finally felt like a…kid. Being a kid wasn't a bad thing; he found what he was missing. But he could still be calm and mature at times too. It was important to have an equal balance of that.

He could be silly and make jokes with Gai and then be serious and ask intelligent questions with Minato. He could recall a time in his life when he thought he was useless. When he thought nobody cared about him. When he thought no one would miss him if he was gone.

He was wrong. He never wanted that feeling again. He was too young for that kind of thoughts. It wasn't his fault. No matter how many times he told himself that. It still wasn't true. Nobody could have changed what happened that night.

It was history. It was haunted and miserable, but it was the past.

Sakumo might not be here, but Kakashi was. And he was going to do the best he could with his time.

He had to hand it to Gai. He wasn't too much fun in the beginning. He wasn't used to company. He was mysterious and short tempered. He saw everyone as below him and didn't want to interact with anyone. He was a natural loner. But Gai was desperate and he admired Kakashi.

So he stuck with him.

Kakashi had found it irritating at first, but he got used to it. He was secretly glad that Gai didn't give up on him.

He needed that. He owed it to Gai. He never got to tell him how much he appreciated him. How much he needed Gai to keep him stable.

Never.

They had known each other for so long. And Gai didn't really know how wrecked Kakashi had been when he found him; he didn't know how destroyed Kakashi was on the inside. But he did know that he needed to stay by his side.

Gai was loyal like that. He was very dedicated to Kakashi. He enjoyed Kakashi's company. Gai was faithful. Kakashi would never let him down. Kakashi would try his hardest until his last breath.

Gai would not die. He would not allow it. He would protect Gai; he would never let anything happen to him. He had too, he owed it to him.

Kakashi would return home each day, careful to avoid his father's room. He wasn't sure if he could handle going into it yet.

A reminder of how he couldn't protect someone he thought as important. A reminder of how he failed.

He hadn't been in it since… he couldn't.

He didn't know if the ANBU had washed _it_ from the carpets yet.

He didn't know if it was just his imagination or he really could see_ it_ stained on his hands and soaked in his hair in the middle of the night.

After he woke up screaming for someone who wasn't there.

He had hung his head and sobbed out the empty ache in his heart. A place where only his father could be. A place that would only grow bigger over time.

Empty sobs. Every night. But not after his first…friend. He still wasn't sure if he should refer to Gai as that. Something told him that that was the last night feeling like that.

And it was, for a while.

* * *

><p><em>Don't let go, I've wanted this far too long<em>

Life was looking up. Kakashi had become confident in Gai. Secure enough to spill some of his secrets. Some, not all. He told Gai about how he felt like nobody loved him and how he just wanted to die. He was that depressed.

From Gai's reaction you could tell he had never guessed. Gai was shocked. He was stunned speechless. He would have never thought of that.

Gai confessed about how he was bullied in school as a kid and how he never knew his mother, she left when Gai was just a little boy. Gai told him about how his father was the only one for him after his mother left and he didn't know how to live without his father. His father was everything he wanted to be. His father was his idol.

Kakashi had looked on and nodded slowly. He knew that feeling. He hated it. He hated relying on someone. If you're alone you only have yourself to take care of. He didn't tell Gai about how he still had nightmares. He didn't tell Gai that it was him who found his father. He didn't tell Gai about how he was getting ready for the jounin exams while Gai had barely graduated the academy. He didn't want Gai to feel bad about himself.

So he decided to help Gai. They worked together and trained hard. They worked in taijutsu and setting traps. They worked on agility and force. They ran laps and practiced jutsus. They were looking pretty good for Gai. This was Kakashi's way of thanking Gai for all those years of advice. Gai was there if he just needed someone to talk to.

Of course, Gai couldn't relate to anything. But he listened to Kakashi, and it was the least he could do.

Then Obito died.

Kakashi became cold and isolated again. He would zone out and just stare into space, lost in his own thoughts. And he also started wearing his headband over one eye.

Gai wasn't sure why, but he felt that there was never a good time to bring it up. Slowly Gai worked on Kakashi and opened him up again. He snuck back into his role of counselor.

But unlike last time. Kakashi would not tell him anything. More than a few time he snapped at Gai for asking. But Gai did not take any offense. He knew his rival did not mean it.

He also noticed a few of the uchiha clan being icy and rude to Kakashi. Gai was never around for any of that, but he saw their stares and whispers. And they always led to Kakashi.

It reminded him of another time people where gossiping about Kakashi. When his father died. He wasn't sure how his father died. But he known that it threw Kakashi into a pit of anguish that he wasn't strong enough to crawl out of yet.

The villagers did not help. They taunted him and called him a failure. They blamed him for his father. They said that he would turn out just like his father.

A couple of days ago, that would have been a compliment. But now it was meant as an insult.

He had seen Kakashi at Obito's memorial more than once. He remembered the funeral. His father told him not to go, that it was none of his business. But he had wanted to be there to support Kakashi. He had stood by Kakashi. He had given him his own space but was still close enough so that if Kakashi needed him he would be there.

There were a lot of things that Gai did not understand but he knew that sometimes a person's presence was comforting enough.

The crowd had cleared. Gai had waited at the end of the field for Kakashi. But he was unsure if Kakashi wanted to be alone or not. So he waited, just in case.

Kakashi has stood by the gray stone with two others. A girl with short, mousy brown hair and purple stripes on her cheeks flushed from crying and a man Gai recognized as Minato-sensei. He looked upset and had a faraway look in his eyes. He looked about ten shades too dull.

Soon it was just Kakashi and the girl. Then, the girl was gone too. Kakashi remained standing vigil on a cold grim night.

The wind was still as Kakashi bent down to place a flower on the grave. It was white, it stood for purity. Gai hadn't known Obito personally, but he had known enough about him to know that his death had struck Kakashi like a blow in the gut. He had shocked Kakashi to the core. He left him trembling and breathless.

Gai had been prepared to wait all night for his rival if that's what it took. He stayed awake and alert for Kakashi when it was clear that Kakashi's mind was far away. Soon, before the sunrise, Gai hadn't noticed it but Kakashi stood closer to him. He placed a hand on his shoulder and whispered two simple words packed with meaning.

"Thank you."

Kakashi walked home alone that dawn.

* * *

><p><em>Mistakes become regrets<em>

Kakashi wasn't quite the same after Obito's death. To say that would be an understatement.

He was completely changed. He wasn't Kakashi anymore. He was better than that; it was like being born again. Someone had opened up him eyes. Gave him a wake up slap and he finally saw what a fool he had been. He finally realized all that he had been taking for granted.

It shocked him. He wanted to cry, especially at the funeral. But he couldn't. No matter how many times he gets hurt he must never shed a single tear. It was Kakashi's ninja way.

Obito is dead.

The words are still painful, a sharp, stabbing hurt in his heart.

Kakashi repeats them again and again because feeling the pain in his heart means he still has one. Even though he isn't sure if it is still beating, he clings to it.

He had seen Gai at the edge of the clearing. He had seen him waiting there for him. Out of the corner of his eye. Gai was there for him.

It touched him and he wanted nothing more than to break down on Gai's shoulder and cry. And tell him everything and have him understand. But he couldn't. He could just murmur two simple words. He hoped Gai would understand.

He hoped with all of his heart. Kakashi was haunted, and empty soul, and empty heart. He felt worse than when his father died. It was his fault again. He was sure that he would have rotted away on the inside if it wasn't for Gai.

Gai saved him. Kakashi owed him for eternity. But he was even more lost and alone than ever. He felt blind. He felt helpless and lost and he needed someone to show him the way.

Gai was there for him, but he seemed a bit more wary than before. He still tried his hardest though. He was just so happy all the time, and his upbeat attitude was beginning to tire Kakashi out. He was just oblivious to it all. How did he do it with all the negativity and death and hate in the world?

He had so much energy and he was so…happy. Kakashi would just stare at Gai sometimes. As Gai went off on a tangent. As he reenacted whatever he was talking about at the moment. Kakashi would just stare at him.

With a look of such confusion and intensity. With only one word echoing in his head. 'Why…?'

Eventually Gai would freeze in his tracks and turn to Kakashi, realizing that Kakashi gaze was trained on him.

And they would just stare at each other. For the longest time until Kakashi finally got the nerve to ask what had been on his mind for the longest time.

A question he had mulled over and contemplated days on end. He spoke in a low voice with raw power vibrating off of every word.

"Why do you try so hard?"

Gai blinked, a look of sadness overthrew his normal hyper features. Despair was evident behind his eyes. He looked at his rival through new eyes. He looked at the boy he thought was invincible. He saw the scars. He gazed at Kakashi's tired and cold eye. He saw the defeat in every movement. His rival might appear untouchable, but he was still just a kid. He answered for everything he believed in. everything that kept him going, everything he lived for.

"Oh Kakashi…"

His hands balled into fists and determination shone in his eyes. Weak like a dying flame but still burning bright.

"I try because I have someone to try for."

* * *

><p><em>I've learned to love abuse<em>

Kakashi doubted himself. He doubted everything he had learned. Everything he had grown up with. He was helpless as his world spiraled out of control. He wanted to give up. He wanted to fall to the floor and scream.

He just couldn't take it anymore. He was falling apart. He just couldn't do it any longer. He was going crazy. Crazy with guilt.

He wanted to rip his hair out on frustration. But he couldn't. He had to be stone cold and silent. He had to be noble and justified. He had to forget emotions and abandon the war raging inside him. He had to leave his inner turmoil behind along with anything else important.

Anything that mattered.

Gone.

He looked to older shinobi. How did they do it? He knew he could not confide Gai with his problems. Gai was too… Childish… naïve, immature.

He wouldn't understand. He would probably just shrug it off and make a joke out of it. But it wasn't a joke! It was serious and Kakashi had paid for his mistakes.

He had to protect Gai from making the same mistakes. He had too. This world was just too cruel for innocent little Gai. Gai looked at everything as equal; he thought everything was for everyone.

When would he get it? Life wasn't like that. Life was harsh and it shoved you around and it didn't care. It would not make an exception for Gai, so Kakashi had no reason to treat him any different.

Maybe it was the fact that they used to be so close, or that Gai was just as lost as Kakashi was. That he still had Gai's back and he still looked out for Gai. Even if he didn't seem like he was. He just didn't know how he would handle it if he let something hurt Gai. His only friend. One who had struggled to gain Kakashi's trust and acceptance but still followed him into the unknown. Where ever Kakashi lead, Gai would follow.

And so, one day Gai had been meditating outside with Kakashi. It was a bright spring day and the birds were chirping and Gai was uncharacteristically quiet. He just didn't feel the need to talk. There was nothing to say.

Kakashi was making another attempt to clean out his mind from all the jumbled thoughts and worries. It took all his concentration, so if Gai was to talk, Kakashi probably wouldn't have heard him anyway.

He collected all of his tears and anger and let it go in a silent scream. He let waves of frustration echo off him and spread out to the sky. He felt all of his unspoken words gather in a clump. He felt all of his failures burning within him. He felt all of his frustration and hopelessness fresh on his mind. All the hate he had been holding in. All the vicious rage that was building up inside him. All the stress and worry bundled up. All the confusion and the naive point of view that he buried. All his childish memories, all his guilt. All the weakness he punished himself for. All the lies, all the inhumane instincts. All the mistrust and misguidance. All the bitterness.

One minute he had the answers, and then he was left with questions.

One minute he was certain, and then he was skeptical.

One minute he saw the escape, and then he was trapped.

One minute he was free, and then he was in restricted.

One minute he saw it all, and then he was blind.

One minute he was at ease, and then he was tense.

One minute he was carefree, and then he was weighed down with experience. He gathered it all, all the pain he held within him since he was a kid. The ache of grief and sorrow that was breaking him. All of it that was causing him to collapse.

In a meditating state he could calmly face it. He could look it square in the eye. He could see it, he could feel it, he could taste it, and he could practically touch it. Without crumpling into a heap of distress. In a meditating state he was on the outside looking in, he could see it all.

He could find that little kernel of peace and feel its warmth spread throughout his weakened passion... He summoned and unleashed it all. So Kakashi spent the afternoon cleansing the spirit. And when he opened his eyes. The world was suddenly much clearer.

* * *

><p>Gai stood at the memorial.<p>

Alone.

Crying without comfort. Crying out all of his pain. It shouldn't have ended like this. His rival shouldn't have died.

He should have stopped it. He should have been stronger, better, faster. He would have done anything.

But Kakashi was gone and there were only his memories to remember him by.

Gai remembered the boy that had tried so hard. The only one to shed light in his dark days. The one that struggled for peace within himself. The one that didn't care what other people thought.

Kakashi was his anchor, his only tie to reality.

Kakashi was dead.

It was his fault. He should have been sooner, he could have stopped it. He didn't. He hoped that Kakashi could forgive him.

He needed Kakashi, he really did. But Kakashi didn't seem to realize it. Gai really, honestly cared for Kakashi. He had always wanted to tell Kakashi he was there for him. But he couldn't form the words. And now it was too late. His body was lifeless and broken and he would never know how much he meant to Gai.

His rival, his most precious and only friend.

He was gone.

He had left Gai all alone. He had lost someone irreplaceable. Now he stood by the memorial, in the same spot his rival had stood on numerous occasions.

But now Gai was there instead. Memories of the battle flash in front of his eyes.

He sees his oldest friend lying on the forest floor, blood drenched all over. His oldest ally, studying him for the last time in a hopeless situation. No lasts words, just one last look as his eyes close forever.

Gai closed his eyes, his face expressionless as tears slide down his grief-stricken face. How could he let something like this happen? How did he not see it coming? He could have done something, anything.

Kakashi would have done it for him. Kakashi wouldn't have thought twice if it meant his safety. And Gai couldn't even repay his for all the times Kakashi saved him. He had never thanked him for all the times he helped Gai see. For all the important lessons he taught him. All the wise sayings he passed down.

The truth was, his only companion had deserted him. Gai desperately wanted him back. He wanted to laugh with him and provide him support and cry with him and just be with him again. But he couldn't.

He would be forever separated and it would be torture every step of the way. As much as Gai wanted to give up, he couldn't.

Kakashi wouldn't have wanted that. He had to live. He had to go home and smile for both of them.

He had to make sure nothing like this ever happened again. To anyone he held dear, he would protect those close to him.

He would do it for his eternal rival. He would do it in honor of Kakashi.

In memory of everything he had to live for. He sobbed, he cried a thousand voices. He mourned for those who could not. Alone in the rain, he weeps for their time together. All the moments they strived together, they lived together. He would not have traded any of it away. He would cherish the memories.

And carry on Kakashi's legacy. He cries through their past, he cried for all the times Kakashi could not.

The plea of a broken child. The tears of a boy. The voice of a man.

And somewhere in heaven, Kakashi watches, sorrowed for his rival. He stands, in another time, in another place. He puts and arm on his comrade. The man who always had his back. And in one single movement, Kakashi stands guard the grieving man.

But Gai is unresponsive. He does not know that he is not alone. He feels alone, and he feels abandoned.

But Kakashi will never abandon him. Not in life, and certainly not in death.

He will wait for eternity until his old friend joins him, and then they will be together far away from all the misery and heartache.

Forever.

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><p><strong>Awww, now I feel all sad. Please review this, I put a lot of effort in it and I would appreciate anything you have to say! Any questions, comments?<strong>


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